FAQs on Biblical Accountability

After writing and thinking about Biblical accountability (see my previous posts on the Foundations and the Practice of Accountability) it still seemed like there were some unanswered questions out there for my own life, especially on how I would counsel someone.  Below are a few more thoughts on accountability: 

1) I would love someone to hold me accountable and point me to Christ, but I don’t really have any friends I trust or who are willing. What should I do? 

As I mention in my first post, relationship precedes accountability.  Just a list of questions that we ask each other really isn’t Biblical accountability. 

I remember when I was first challenged in High School that I needed an accountability partner. I freaked out, because I just didn’t have close friends.  I knew it would be helpful, but I just didn’t have the right friend.

But instead of working towards relationships where accountability could happen, I just gave up because I couldn’t have it now.  Real accountability relationships take time.  Don’t be discouraged that you don’t have them now, but instead consider how you can work towards them. 

Initiate time with people who are also believers desiring to grow in their faith.  When you are with them, initiate real conversations with them.  Talk to them about the Word.  Ask them questions about their faith journey and what God is teaching them, not just about football. As the relationship progresses, study the Bible with them.  Ask them how you can be praying for them, and pray with them. 

It will take time, and you may need to pursue multiple people, but it is well worth the effort.  Relationships don’t happen overnight, so don’t be discouraged and don’t give up if it doesn’t happen on your time schedule. 

2) My Christian friend always seems to be struggling with or complaining about the same thing.  He says he wants a sin pattern to change, but week after week it is still the same old thing.  How do I help?    

Once I was holding someone accountable weekly in the area of pornography, but he just seemed stuck.  Week after week, I would ask the question almost knowing the response in advance.  He would be frustrated with himself, we would come up with a new rule to help, but it was still the same thing.  Looking back, I can see three things that eventually helped pull him out:

First, he was willing to do anything to subdue his lust.  He didn’t accept defeat, but every thing I suggested he was willing to try. I eventually even took parts of his computer.  But some people don’t want to change, and if you sense that is their case, it does come to a point where you need to challenge them and ask them if they really want to change.  Are they willing to put the work into seeing God change their life? 

Second, we prayed a lot together and I prayed for him a lot.  As James 5:16 says, we should confess then pray for each other, so that we may be healed.  

Third, I would constantly remind him about God’s grace.  We read through books about grace (e.g., Ragamuffin Gospel). We read Scripture about grace.  He was someone who built his identity on his performance, and so we studied a lot about God’s grace.  Again, he was great at taking every one of these assignments, and praise God that His Word does not return void (Isaiah 55:11). 

After probably 6 months, he came to me one day and said, “You know for the first time I think I understand God’s grace.”  And it was amazing to see the way his understanding of grace changed the power sin had over his life.  It wasn’t an easy fight, but it was one where he eventually saw victory. 

3) Would you Alcoholics Anonymous or something similar as a form of accountability? 

First of all, there is a lot that I respect about AA. In the AA meetings I have been to, there is a deep care for each person there, a welcoming non-judgmental environment, a celebration over sobriety, and a commitment to each other.  I definitely see how AA, Celebrate Recovery, or a similar affiliate could be part of the solution for someone dealing with addiction. 

That being said, it seems that the focus of AA was just treating the symptom of alcoholism, and not the underlying causes that lead people to alcoholism. While human effort and determination can heal a lot of symptoms, it cannot deal with the underlying brokenness we all face.  True healing can only be found when we really deal with the causes with the Gospel.

I would certainly not discourage participation in AA or similar program, but I would partner it with counseling or another set of deep relationships that help with the inner healing that is also necessary. 

4) Is James 5:13-18 talking about physical or spiritual healing?

Sorry that this response is way more “technical”, but I think this passage is crucial to understand Biblical accountability. 

I think James 5:13-18 interpreted by many to only be about God healing our physical infirmities; however, I think the entire passage is all about spiritual issues.  For example in verse 14, when the “sick” are instructed to ask the elders to pray for them to be healed, I don’t think “sick” refers to physical illnesses, but spiritual weakness. 

While the Greek word a,sqe,neia (translated as “sick”) is used to mean physical illness in the Gospels and Acts (e.g., Matthew 8:17, Luke 5:15, John 5:5, Acts 5:15) its major use in the Epistles is a spiritual weakness (e.g., Romans 6:19, 1 Corinthians 8:9-12, Hebrews 4:15). It carries the real meaning that the person is weary.  This is further supported by the use of  ka,mnw in verse 15 (translated as “the one who is sick”).  Its only other use is in Hebrews 12:3, where it is clearly talking about not growing spiritually weary in our lives.  

Thus our pray offered in faith for someone who is spiritually struggling (James 5:15), God promises to work in his life to restore Him.  Because God has promised to act in this way, we are commanded to confess to each other and pray for each other for healing.  James 5:16 is not a random one liner, but remember that it starts with “Therefore”.

Further, James exhorts us to remember the power of prayer when he reminds us of the power of Elijah’s prayers.  The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective (James 5:17).

The point of all of this is to once again remind us (especially me) of the importance of prayer when we want to see change in our lives or in the lives of those we care for.  It is not just by human effort and asking each other a couple questions each week that bring about healing, but consistent and faithful prayer for the Lord’s power and grace to come alive within us. 

Accountability Lived Out

The theoreticals and theology of accountability are helpful in understanding a framework, but as is the whole point of this blog, we want to be applying God’s Word to our lives, and want to talk practicals. 

In my previous post I laid out three points from Romans 7-8 that give a framework for what Biblical accountability should practically look like.  Whether it is within the context of a formal accountability partner is irrelevant, if we have life-giving Christians friends.  Instead, I think we need to evaluate if our relationships include the following Biblical principles that provide accountability. 

1) I need to “need” my relationships. We will not “click” with everyone.  But when we find those Christian relationships, were we are encouraging and being encouraged, we need to do all that we can to make that time consistent and God-centered.  While both BJ and I have lots going on and it would just be easier to not to get together weekly, the reality is that we “need” our time together.  

When I see a relationship as something I “need”, I prioritize it and make it happen.  Unfortunately, if it is just something nice, it can get crammed out of the schedule.   We must put a priority on real relationships.  We must not give up the habit of meeting together (Hebrews 10:24-25). 

Note that I am not simply advocating our need to be around people.  I can hang out with lots of people without having any real relationships or experiencing true fellowship.  This happens most when I am self-focused in my time and interactions with others. 

The deeper question is really, “Do I prioritize self over relationship?” Self says it is more comfortable to watch the game on the TV in front of me than talk to the person next to me.  Self says posting a picture of my meal on Instagram so everyone knows what I am up to is more important than the person across the table from me.  Self says I deserve my time to do what I want. And self says to keep up this image I can’t tell you what is really going on.  Which leads us to…

2) I need to be honest.  It should be self-evident, that if I want to be accountable, I need to be honest.  However, we love to hide, gloss over, and give half-truth statements to cover up how we are really doing.  Accountability requires me to drop the false pretense of how everything is going fine that I want to show to the world and honestly asses my relationship with others and the Lord. 

Consider James 5:16, a classic verse when we think about accountability.  We are commanded to confess our sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that we might be healed.  Confession requires honesty or it isn’t really confession (just telling your parents you didn’t do well on the test is not the same as you got a zero because you were caught cheating).  And confession and prayer together lead to healing.  It is amazing how BJ and I can talk for an hour together, but what I find most refreshing each week, is our time going honestly before God saying this is what we need You to change in our lives. 

While in our pride we want to carry all our own burdens, we need others and we have to let them know how to help.  As I think the greater context of James 5:16 teaches (more to come in my next post) when you are spiritually weary, you aren’t just supposed to hide or try to deal with it alone.  We are commanded to called the elders of the church and ask them to pray for us.  We are commanded to be honest about our condition, and seek the Lord with other believers.  And keep in mind, “the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16) 

Now being honest isn’t the end point of accountability. There are plenty of people who congratulate themselves and others for honesty, but honesty without direction or a heart to change is worthless.  Just admitting you have a plank in your eye, won’t help unless you start working on removing it.  Therefore, in my accountability…

3) I need to be pointed to Christ. Accountability doesn’t end with simple confession to another believer, but my sin or my desire to see God work more in my life needs to end up at Christ in the Gospel.  Accountability is not confession that leads to condemnation, but like Christ be full of both grace and truth (John 1:14).

When we see a brother in sin, we are commanded to “gently restore” that brother (Galatians 6:1).  Practically speaking, I need relationships where I am real and honest, so people can see into the sin in my life.

It is then their responsibility to point out my faults in a gentle way that acknowledges that they are fallible as well (so they don’t fall into sin).  I need help understanding that I am totally and completely forgiven, and as such, I do not want to grieve the Holy Spirit inside me (Ephesians 4:30). 

We should never leave a time with a brother feeling hopeless and defeated, but rather motivated and compelled by the love of a merciful Father to be pure and serve Him fully. 

Note that I am not saying that giving another Brother in Christ a list of 5 questions you want to be asked is a bad thing, but I think if these 3 principles are being lived out, your relationships will naturally hold you accountable and push you in your relationship with the Lord. 

While we are ultimately only accountable to God and will stand before Him to give an account for our deeds (2 Corinthians 5:10), we have not been called to live the Christian life alone.  We want to make sure we are not just pretending to have Christian friends, but taking those friendships to the depths that will really stretch and encourage our faith.  

As I have been reflecting on this topic over the past few weeks, it just strikes me over and over, how much I receive life from people when I hear both the good and bad things happening in their lives, when I pray with them, when I share my struggles with them, when I experience an authentic fellowship with them, etc. Whether it is formal “accountability” or not, I don’t know, but it keeps me pursuing my Maker and Redeemer.